Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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