so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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