the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
