THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
its not stalking. its research.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
