i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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