woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
