literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
