happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
