Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize