its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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