maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
