I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
