she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
