i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
