I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
