He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
