I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
