I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
