they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
