sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
