If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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