you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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