soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
