very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
