I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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