I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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