Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
