he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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