this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
