mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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