i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
