My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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