I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
