as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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