apparently the secret to your success is patron
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
