This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
