yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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