First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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