what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
