She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
