There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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