I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
