The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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