The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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