He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
