he was CRYING into my vagina
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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