I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
