He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
