I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
