We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
