i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
