I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He better not be in your backpack
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
