I can text with my tongue
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
