how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
