I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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