I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
