the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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