My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
