my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
