I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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