I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
