I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
