One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
