i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
