then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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