Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
