Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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