He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
