I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Did we literally take a cab across the street
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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