so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
