You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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