i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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