Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
