Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
