I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
