I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
