I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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