so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
