He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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