She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize