While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
