even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
